Odyssey with God

There are times when I search fervently and chase after the supernatural. These are times when I am disappointed. I look for things in the physical and neglect the things in the spiritual. These are also times of hope and encouragement when God reminds me of who I am in His love. He gives me the strength to keep moving forward.

This morning I received my allowance in an unusually small envelope.

He says to me, "You're not even trying to find a job are you?"

To that I reply, "God provides!"

And we both smile.

Dad goes back to the his room to consult with mom in choosing his tie. I check the contents of the recycled envelope and I begin to calculate the tithe. It takes a while for me realize that I just need to cross out the zeros. Math and I had a falling out of some sort, but I digress. I turn the envelope over and I see messy scribbles in Korean. It reads "Child Evangelism Fellowship" and on the bottom in light pencil - "Pastor's car."

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It's easy to for me to forget that the life I have is supernatural. The breath I breathe is a miracle. In my good times and bad times, my attitude should never be one of apathy or discontentment. There should never be a time when I simply shrug my shoulders and say "whatever" because that would be to reject and neglect who I am in Jesus Christ and what I have received from Him. When I say God is my provider I say it sitting with the family around the dining table with empty bowls watching a father's tear fall on empty plates in place of where the food should be. When I say money comes last and doesn't even place in God's kingdom I say it with a roof over my head and a bed to lay my head. When I say live only for God I say it holding the hand of a man in a ragged suit with one ragged bible in his other hand and a family by his side who is filled with love, joy, and peace. When I say only Jesus I say it with visions of grandeur so steadfast that I know I'll set a Gospel fire with this torch from heaven and change the world.

And I remind myself,

Why wouldn't a supernatural God work in a supernatural way? I want to be intimate with a God who is LOVE. Sins are meant to be dealt with, so deal with them quick. Jesus breath. Jesus blood. Jesus resurrection. Jesus revival. Social construct and unity is meaningless without Spirit and truth and without God's purpose at heart. Be careful what I see and touch. Don't let the wrong kind of fire suffocate my dreams. I want to pray for the sick and see them healed. I want to reap the harvest and live for God's glory. I want my words to speak of Love and point all hearts to Jesus. I want to see His peace and restoration in broken lives. I want my experiences grounded in God's Word. I want my spiritual eyes to open wide. I want the power of God to flow though me. I want God's love to overflow. Stop the talking. Show me what you got with your actions. See me fall off the ledge and see if I'm still alive. Offensive. Defensive. Mindful of others, yet only mindful of God. LOVE. It's time to press on.

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I hear dad coming out of the room. The tie has been chosen. I don't like it, but that's because I have no fashion sense at all. I turn over the envelope one last time and I give all my thanks and praise to my Heavenly Dad. I say bye to my earthly dad. Kisses and hugs to mom and me.

Then he leaves for work in his brand new Odyssey.

Drive the Clouds

Hush now

It's not your turn now

Wait for the moonlight

It's your only spotlight

You are in no place

to stand like Barnabas

when you talk like Judas

with empty words and promises

Let's get to it.

I am truly encouraged by the steps you take, the Words you put up, and the hope that you have. As you lift up the name of Jesus in your life, I am heavily affected to lift His name up in my life. I find it so strange how that works. You may not realize it at those particular moments, but when the dust settles and the sun shines through, Jesus is the centerpiece to whom we are connected as one. One.

If we are one in Jesus Christ, then we are one in Jesus Christ. It sounds like a pretty simple thing that should embrace and not push away. But when a brother says "john, you get it, but I don't," I just want to punch him... like kool-aid. Speaking of which, perhaps the red fluid will be a reminder of who we are IN CHRIST and not IN THE WORLD. Foolish mortal. MORTAAAAL KOMBAAAAT! Your death will be spiky needles! and coughing up red blood cells!

All this people pointing (and punching) is to hide the fact that my heart has gotten colder to those who choose to live in a dark cloud of dejection, comparing themselves to lighter, brighter clouds who, in their eyes, seem to have it all or better together. That is, I've gotten colder to myself. As I see it reflected in those around me, I begin to feel hopeless thinking "Eh, whatever, let God deal with them and do His thing. I don't want to have anything to do with it... Payce!" It's the easy thing to do as PKai put it. Then the Word comes alive and pierces my heart... but then I dodge it - woosh - 2 Fast, 2 Righteous. hahaha. But, in the end it gets me! agh! touché!

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
1 John 3:16

The dark clouds who've been through the storm and the rain, down trodden with sins and sorrows - the ones who feel jealous of better lives and feel like they lack something need to remember that they will be the ones who can pour out the most. I see it as a greater potential to love even more - in God's love - as healing and medning of brokenness and forgiveness takes place. Once His children realize that we are all under one sun, or... One Son (ooohhh), then the shades of cloudiness begin to fade away and only His glory is left to shine through, pour down, and love all around. Glory in the highest.

I'm imagining this cloud who is smiling, moving softly across the sky to another cloud that is sad and crying, and then it gives it a big cloudy hug. *poof* and now both of them are smiling.

I'm not gay. I just like clouds okay?... and rainbow colored unicorn fairies...

Love perfectly. Love all the way. We love because He first loved us!

I need a BIG HEART. BA-DUM BA-DUM! <<<333!

Yakity Yak Yak

Yesterday I got food poisoning. I won't say from where because that's mean....

dang you! curse you carl's sr. and your foolish son carl's jr.

no no. it's my weak body that can't handle poison. I must train harder sensei!

And then I YAKed! like a cow. It was super nasty. But while I was undergoing reverse peristalsis I couldn't help but be amazed at how my body knew 'wats up.' Like, how does it know I ate something bad, like, so quickly. totally amazing. God is awesome. But it still hurt. Put another way, I'm bending over the toilet barfing out everything I ate while I am in wonder of the barfing process in pain. Something like...

BaaaaAAAaAaAWESOMEEEaaaaaaOWWWWWWaaarrRrraaaffFFfffCOOOLaarffFFF!

Whew. I'm still dizzy though.

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So I was getting on the arriba bus. I said bye to my lab partner. 7 seconds later I hear something crash and I look up to see my partner dropping his backpack and running after his rebellious skateboard down mandeville hall ("hah! take that master!" said Skateboard). Then he scampered back to get his backpack as his board suddenly made a sharp right and was now zipping down to Gilman Dr. It was like watching a movie. I just stood there watching him suffer and even while I was getting on the bus, I just stared... only once I got on the bus I was thinking "omg, omg, should I run after him, should I hide, should I ignore him, should I die, omg" and regret hit me hard. The whole bus ride home I was in regret/depressed mode and realized how non-sacrificial I am. My instincts tell me a lot about myself. In my perfect world, I would have dropped everything and run after him and his skateboard and not worry/care about anyone else watching, and more than that, my well being. I wouldn't have it any other way. I know this is right. I have an example to follow. This is life. This is love.

In the end, I left him a voice message telling him to call me back from the hospital he was going to stay in. haha. i joke a lot. he laughed.

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Happy Birthday Danny!

I wrote this poem for you, but not anymore. 22 is old. You're so old. Better find 'em quick.

Gotta go! Mom's here. Surprises don't happen only once! Praise God for that. =]

Remix #10: Remixed to be SACRIFICIAL in my love just as He is.