Tick Tock

The sun is out like summer time. I got my long sleeves on but my feet are still cold. So I sit with my legs folded with my feet near the heaters - made in thigh-land. I want to be outside, but I keep dodging the beams that attack through the defenseless window. Beam no more, Scotty. You win.

Lazy Saturdays are too costly these days. Back then, it was much needed; I had all the time in the world. Nowadays, it's still needed, but I find myself catching up to all the responsibilities that were pushed aside during the week. Somebody get me a crane. Must know kung fu.

It's true. I hold priorities with butterfingers and finish them like Easter candy, slow and never. Time management is an unsolvable mystery even by the standards of Scooby and the gang. Studying is like crossing a freeway; just wait for it. Don't worry though, I'm just getting ready for my counseling session at school, which by the way I'm looking forward to. Oh, wait, what was that? You're more worried about my strangely awesome analogies? Well, here's one to worry about:

The difference between quality and quantity time is like the difference between an ant-sized piece of filet mignon and a whole plate of filet mignon. One cannot be satisfied with little no matter how big the taste is.

If I'm not spending time with God all day, I can't help but think I'm using him as a means to my end even for godly things.

Bring it on Lazy Saturday. I'll beat you up when I get around to it.

And in light of the previous entry:

Happy Day

Classic.

Tune

[So this week is Missions Week at Biola. In light of that, I will [not] post a Mission Monday this week. In fact, I have three more episodes left, but they are mad fire - passion oozes out of the pages like honey from a dead bear. I've decided to pull the plug on the series until our sponsors give us the green light. This, however, does not mean the end of all mission talks. yadda yadda. roll the credits*]

.

Today after lunch, I heard a conversation between two men of God:

MoG 1: "So what are your plans after you graduate?"

MoG 2: "I just wanna get outta here!"

His response resonated with me like a rusty piano string waking up to a tuning fork. It was a familiar feeling that had been tossed in the basement of forgotten ambitions. He had the mission field in mind. He had the passion for the Gospel in his heart. He had the immovable calling that thrust him toward a vision that was more grand than he could ever imagine. He not only had far away places, but also people near to him. It was only a brief moment for all the colors to fill in the picture, but that moment was long enough to shake off the heaviness of spiritual complacency.

Right when I thought that I missed the train, right when I was getting all comfortable with my spiritual "stand", I was startled awake, comforted, and reminded of God's calling for ALL, EVERY SINGLE ONE of His children.

"disciples"

"witness"

"'Not called!’ did you say? 'Not heard the call,' I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their fathers’ houses and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look at Christ in the face - whose mercy you have professed to obey - and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world.”

William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army

And yet, I'm prone to go out of tune.

So let it sink deep in my heart.

Fighting Dreamer

In Field Education, my professor told us to write down our lifelong dreams/goals, then dreams within the next 5 years, and finally our goals if we had just 6 months to live - all these with no regard to practical boundaries.

The class shared together. There were a handful who spoke of marriage and family, some mentioned planting and settling at churches, and still one said he wanted another kid and to eat all he ever desired (surely, he was on the 6 month plan). It was a good exercise for me. What I had written for myself in 5 minutes was eye opening, heart gripping, and mind blowing. Are you serious? Impossible.

The professor asked the class, "If what you want to accomplish in your last 6 months is that important, why aren't you doing it now?"

Ouch.

He mentioned how most of us have an enthusiasm, passion, and initial dream when we start something new. "Then as the program moves along and we get into the motion of things this vision fades, and we easily become lost and discouraged in the journey." And so we rekindle the fire by visiting and revisiting our First Love.

Even so, one with a vision without a mission is just a dreamer. It feels like up until now I've only been filling up the melting pot with knowledge and personal experience. Seeing all the pretty ingredients is pretty exciting, but as they begin to churn and turn, my paradigms are being shattered left and right. Fool's gold melts away as pure gold remains. I awake from my daydream and realize real life is happening. A rekindled passion is one thing, but a passion with no action goes nowhere. I hate to admit it, but I am not liking what I'm seeing as I come to grips with myself. Burning away all that dross and being refined in the fire is... how do I say it... aht ddeuguh! (ow, it's hot!). And yet, His name be praised for He is infinitely more precious than any gold.

In his heart a man plans his course,

but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

Dream the unseen.

Do the extreme.

God provides the way

and everything in between.

Mission Monday VI

08/07/2009

Speaker: Missionary Kang

Background: Central Asia/Ministry Director. Graduated from School of Dentistry in Seoul National University. Served in Uzbekistan for 10 years.

• "The only way to change is to deny yourself."
• He attended a huge missions conference recently for Chinese and Korean missionaries.
• Many people had gathered to worship and pray together.
• First, the Koreans were called to pray - they prayed standing up, some with hands raised, and in KM style
• Next, the Chinese were called to pray - they prayed on their knees with tears; they prayed like their life was on the line
• He was amazed at the difference in spirituality between those in the Chinese mission field and those elsewhere (what they've seen and experienced spiritually)

• Man's thoughts vs. God's thoughts
• After the fall, Adam was ashamed of being naked vs. God created him naked
• Man begins to think things are sin, which were not before
• Being weak is not a sin - "when I am weak, then I am strong"
• God uses our weaknesses for His glory

• Christians have a calling to abandon the world and be "life savers"

-------

He said many other things, but I was so into his storytelling (including some vague analogy to a Korean movie about a tsunami) that I didn't take good notes. I didn't fall asleep. I think.

...

The times they are a-changin'.

More

It's coming back. The words that kept me running hard after Love. Before that though, I must paint the background of this marathon journey - this "journey of loving Him more."

There's a reason why the international student shed tears today when she listened to her English classmates share about the struggles, frustrations, and ultimately, the new-found joy and peace in their walk with God. All this was in a language that she was not familiar with in an environment that she is trying her best to adjust to yet she understood just enough. She understood not just in her mind, but in her soul. Something cried out, "Abba Father" within her as she listened to her siblings in Christ cry out, "Where are you, Father?" She couldn't explain why. Her only response was, "I listen... and... make me cry. Sorry."

There's the study of God, then there is God Himself. There's the study of self, then there is self itself. Amidst the meanings lost in translation, both can mean the same thing or total opposites of each other. Nevertheless, when all the discussions are in and the curtains are closed there is still that child with her heart in her hands seeking true love, seeking true rescue from all that causes drought in her soul. "Who will restore my broken heart?" This is the point of departure - the point where we find real skin and real blood. It is the point where God meets us where we are just as a father meets the child on his knees.

Echoing the cries of King David, sometimes I don't feel it. Sometimes I don't see it. But I look at His perfect track record and I see that His love is unfailing, His mercy is never ending, and His faithfulness is great. I will ask like King David, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?" and in the same breath I will say with him, "Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

This is no time to write out my own life story just to see how I'm doing and where I'm going. The scope is greater than that. And this brings me back to the words that kindled the fuel in me to run through the valley, past the Forrest, and up the mountain all to follow Love:

There must be more.

There must be more - more than me, me in the world, me in Christ, me in church, me in my family, me with friends, me as a student, me in a good school, me as a worker, me as a parent, me in six figures, me in my worries, me with a car, me with shoes on, me with cherry on top, me with do and sol, me in the middle, me as myself. There must be more than empty words and broken promises. More than cycles of lost and found. More than sorrows and joy. More than tears and smiles. More than weddings and funerals. More than life itself.

It's all about Him. This run is all about Jesus Christ and His righteousness. His tears for a world that is not familiar with Him among people who are hostile to Him are what causes the ark to rise above the flood. He doesn't understand just enough, he understands fully. He calls out every tear by its name and every smile by His name. And it's because of Him we approach "Abba" with freedom and confidence. Jesus is more than enough.

When you realize that Jesus is all you have you will soon discover that Jesus is all you need.

- Somebody Somewhere

All of You is more than enough for all of me

For every thirst and every need

You satisfy me with Your love

And all I have in you is more than enough