Snow

This past quarter I had the chance to compose a song. Intro to Composition. The class (about 10 students) spent 10 weeks working on a final project, which was a 5 minute piece about an individual topic on any instrument, and that was the only grade in the class. We each had to write a song, find a performer to play the song in a concert setting, and then discuss the song. At first, I didn't like the way the professor approached writing music. He used "materials" such as inverting and retrograding a melody, getting someone's birthday and using that as the time signature (e.g. birthday is 9/16 so time signature can be 9/16), and all these crazy things that didn't include sitting and waiting around for a spark of genius.

He made one surfer guy, who wanted to write about the ocean, go to the beach for half a day and write down observation. He ended up recording the height and length of the incoming tides at 15 minute intervals for 4 hours. Another girl said that emotions help her write songs so the professor made her write 200 different emotions. She brought in one piece of paper with size 4 font with 200 emotions. (When the professor wasn't there one week she admitted she used a thesaurus. No shame girl, I would have done the same thing). This other guy ended up making a piece about a microwave because he once mentioned it as an example of where he gets inspiration. hah! Suckah. as in... it sucks for him.

As for me, I thought I was pretty clever. My piece was about my relationship with noon. My assignment was to come up with 50 different characteristics of noon and me. Ridiculous. I was going to compose for piano and have each hand represent a sibling. Older sister and younger brother. To top it off I was going to have her come down and play the piece. A+ right there. The audience would be in tears - so touched, so moved by the love..... But it was too hard. It was like writing for two instruments. I ended up writing for viola because I knew Philip. beautiful. The professor challenged me in many ways to be active in composing and writing. I resisted at first, but I realized it doesn't just come to you, and if it ever feels like it does it's because of an accumulation of inspired activity. In other words, inspiration comes from outside sources apart from me or from anyone. In this case, I was trying to capture the essence of a relationship between siblings who are connected by the Father's love (yea pretty deep stuff, ey?). It only feels like it's from within because we tend to internalize our life and circumstances. But what do I know right?

I can go into all the details of the piece because every measure is purposeful, but I like to let the music speak for itself. Though one thing I do want to mention is that the main melody of the piece (especially repeated near the end) is a waltz that dad used to hum and sing when I was a kid. He would come home from work and pick noon and me up and dance around the house in a waltz. To this day, I don't know where the actual song is from, but noon and I remember the melody clearly. Big thanks to Philip, who pulled off the concert with less than an hour to practice... since I didn't finish until then.

Music to My Ears

Winter break!

Home sweet home. Dad started playing the piano, which happens only once a year at most, and everyone joined in singing some praise. He showed off his ability to play any song by ear (having had no classical training), and had us name any song so he could play it. Obviously, we suggested the most difficult songs we could think of to which he responded with "no fair" but ended up playing it anyway. I guess it makes sense that noon is perfect pitch and I got the leftovers. After a couple songs, mom and noon got bored and left to do their own thing while I stayed behind to humor dad. He started playing an unfamiliar song and I asked him what it was. He told me he had composed and published a few children songs back in the days. I already knew this, but this time I was intrigued and wanted know more. In particular, I wanted to know how he wrote the songs. According to dad, he woke up in the middle of the night one day with the music and lyrics in his head so he ran to the piano, played it, and wrote everything down. Talk about instant inspiration... or not. The lyrics were based on a bible verse he was recently meditating on and going over. The tune was reminiscent of a childhood lullaby - a child calling a father. It was a snapshot of his life, at least in part, in musical form.

I found these old gospel song books at home. I found them shoved and forsaken in the back of my closet. They're about the size of a big index card and they contain songs in both Korean and English with notes and chords for each song. My goal is to revive lost melodies and lyrics and have them speak to my life; these are the stories and testimonies of people who have come before me with a passion to lift up the name of Jesus in their lives. It's a snapshot of the season of life they were traveling through. A snippet of a story. Some notes are legatos with tears. Others are staccatos of joy. There must be a reason behind their melody, their words, their longing to praise Jesus in mourning or dancing, in sorrow or joy. These souls are so stayed on their source of hope that their hearts cry out in musical form. I want to see past the dots and lines, and hear their true laments and worship to God. Maybe I can learn even a little more about God.

I used to think I needed to "feel it" and doing anything purposeful to get that spark was "fake." It's like sitting in a car and waiting for the engine to turn on because using a key seems too methodical, thought out, and even legalistic. Stupid I is. Now I know I'm not going to sit around waiting for the light bulb to go off because inspiration is a result of inspired activity. I'm not talking about music anymore. I'm talking about my walk with Jesus. And simply knowing the One Inspired Act is not enough. Frustration comes when I don't see myself growing in Christ just as when I don't get the 'awakening' in writing a song. It's about doing the homework, doing my part, cranking the engine, living a life that is worthy of a song. The question is when that snapshot is taken in my life will I have a song about Jesus? or a song about the world?

His Song keeps me moving.

Downy

I've gone one month without a single update. This would suggest I haven't learned anything between then and now, but it's actually the opposite. I've learned so much that I don't know where to start, and already I'm beginning to forget (which was the reason for this blog). I look back on the 'remixes' that I've made and I realize how hard it is to keep up (starting with #1). Should I be accountable for these 'remixes'? It seems right to because otherwise I would just be a mouthpiece that plays no part in the symphony. Hm. Kinda feel like one right now. Keep on.

CCM Mammoth trip! Snowboarding was wonderful. Cabin time was funtastic. There were so many bumps in the road coming and going, but in the end everyone got back home safely - at least physically, maybe not spiritually. I've got my reservations. As weak as they are, I find myself holding back not because I have something to hold back but because I don't have what I should have. Progress is in slow motion. People are hungry, no, starving yet no one is eating. The only times there is nourishment are when they are force fed on rare occasions through people and circumstances just to stay barely alive.

"You've softened up from what I've heard about you."

I'm like a Downy fabric right now.

The gospel is soft in me. My unwillingness and unpreparedness to tell proves the lack of impact the gospel has made on me. It's not about sharing the gospel, but living it. Because when I live it, the words become natural.

Remix #7: Remixed to always be ready to give the reason for the Hope I have.