In My Tummy

"so yummy! so yummy, yummy!"

Yummy

Ever since I introduced the 'trust game' to the kids, they've been lining up to have me catch them. For some of them their level of trust in me is almost frightening; it's on the verge of faith. Others step back every time they begin to fall just in case I drop them. To them I give the "full trust" treatment where I purposely catch them at the last second. "You don't trust me?" Sometimes the little ones turn their backs to me and just start falling when I'm near them hoping, or trusting, that I would catch them... of course, I always do *flex*... but I don't think they understand what's going on. One word: dumbbells.

All I'm going to say is that parents these days must be buff and muscular.

Okay, that was a little too cryptic. Let's try that again. Kids these days are... healthy.

Speaking of (or looking at?) Pixar, the Wall-E scenario doesn't seem too sci-fi anymore, and it starts with me. Based on at least 2 faulty scales I gained nearly 20 pounds immediately after graduating. What can I say, mom's cooking is the best. But I'm willing to bet all the coins found in my car that it's all muscle weight. Then again, according to another faulty scale I dropped 10 pounds in one week, which actually was the average amount I fluctuated in college in between the Tuesday fish tacos and the Wednesday McNuggets. Wait, that's only one day apart. Yikes. This is when I turn to biology. Looking at dad's side, my uncles and male cousins are built ford tough, so I'm hoping my genes lean (punny) more towards mom's side (which seems to be the case judging by my Vegeta hairline) along with my lanky cousins. I can't rely on them genes all the time though because interestingly enough I've heard that many people "let go" after "tying the knot." Well, I guess they gotta be "one flesh" somehow. "Here honey, you can take half of my stomach and we'll call it even." So what's my solution to containing the jelly in mah belly you ask? Just hope that the wife doesn't cook well. Sometimes. 40 day fast is on my bucket list anyway.

I'm just wondering, is there such a thing as spiritual obesity? Having been raised in a family that greeted each other with "No Bread, no bread" instead of "good morning", I've always connected physical food (rice and kimchi) to spiritual food (the Word). One time I remember waking up hungry and following the smell of spam and eggs frying in the kitchen only to find dad reading the newspaper in the living room and blocking my path. "No Bread, no bread." Disgruntled and discontent, I dragged myself back to my room and pulled out my bible. Then a spark of genius. I had recently discovered the shortest chapter in the Bible during Sunday school (instead of paying attention to the sermon) and so I turned to my newfound treasure and read it like Naruto reading the forbidden kage bunshin scroll. I ran back to dad in triumph as if I had beaten him at his own game and boldly declared that I had had my Bread: Psalm 117.

Dad: "What was it about?"

Me: "Praise the Lord!"

He made me go back and read one more chapter. I think I cried or something, but I don't want to can't remember.

What was I talking about? Oh right. Spiritual phatness. I can imagine spiritual depravity when you deprive yourself of God's Word and become a poster child for the spiritual World Vision and get KO'ed by the devil every time, but I can't imagine having too much of the Word and becoming... lazy? You would just get more buff. I think. buffer? health? trust game? what? (this is my cue to stop and go to sleep).

Praise the Lord.

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Currently listening to the new ratatat album. thx ted.

Fishing

Watch this if you're hot because I get the chills every time.

Please

Luther: As a Christian you can do whatever you please.

Student: Really?

Luther: Yes, but the question is, "What pleases you?"

Grace

amazing.

[thanks lindajames]

Lifeline

This is the kind of night where I can picture myself on a timeline called Life. Though it is quite strange that whenever I picture it I'm always in the middle, right at the midpoint of the line... hopefully, there is some kind of progression. I usually try to shake off these thoughts as soon as they appear hoping that the image would dissolve like an etch-a-sketch. I know deep down, I don't want to see my future projection because I long for something better, something greater than what I currently see. At the same time, it's also the fear that if I tarry too long on my hopes, they would prove to be false. So instead of replacing the good with the great and taking appropriate measures to fix, mend, and follow through, I secretly outline a bad projection so that way I wouldn't feel so bad if I don't end up receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. And then of course I shake all of it off because procrastination convinces me to deal with it later. "Life just happens," he would say.

But if I know where I want to be and I know what I have to do to get there, then why is it that I don't do it all the time, and even if I end up doing what is necessary and good it's not done willingly with joy every single time? What does that make me? Human, I guess, but I'm not satisfied. I'm not satisfied that what I hear from the pulpit and the Word is not what I do when I step outside the walls. Whenever I am reminded that I am a new creation I am also reminded that Christians still have a tendency to "leak out" sin as long as they are in the body and as long as they "have not been made perfect yet." However, too many times the ever-encouraging, never-discouraging emphasis on the process of sanctification feels like the ultimate plea to excuse sins as inevitable under a banner that reads "Press on!" or less biblically put, "Just do it!" I mean, wouldn't it be great if after hearing/reading, "do nothing out of selfish ambition... your attitude should be the same as that of Christ" bam! you actually do nothing out of selfish ambition from that point on? Is that too crazy, too radical?

Put another way, everyone wants an A in school. Everyone, unless... no, no exceptions. And like the rest of my peers, I wanted A's in college. I know for a fact that if I had spent at least 3-4 hours consistently every single day to study for my classes (not including homework time), I would have gotten straight A's. Arbitrary numbers aside, it's simply because I know, either through first or second hand experience, that studying leads to good grades. That makes sense and there wouldn't be anything "crazy" or out of the norm if I actually followed through and got my A's. But my actions, as my gpa unfortunately testifies, don't reflect my knowledge of what makes sense. In terms of desire and how much I want it, I may be willing with the strongest of wills, but the bite trumps the appetite.

Knowing is not enough. Knowledge is overrated. Knowledge isn't even half the battle; knowledge only lets you know you're in a battle. It's the action that follows that counts for the loss or the victory. Ironically, knowing that is still knowledge and gets you nowhere. So now what? Well usually, this is when the verses take aim and rapid fire. "You are more than a conqueror"; "who can be against you?"; "confess he is faithful and just to forgive"; "Flee from desires of youth"; "Resist the devil"; "do not conform to the world"; "keep the unity"; "fight the good fight of faith"; "walk in the light"; "run the race"; "Holy Spirit helps you in your weakness"; "faith without works is dead"; "saved by grace"; "nothing can separate you from God's love," etc. I can nod, say amen, get chills, be convicted, and be 'blessed' by all this, but none of it does any good if I don't move. In fact, I'm at a worse state than before if I know, but don't act. The more I know, the deeper the hole gets, and the more I realize how stuck I am. Eventually, there comes a time when I must come to grips with myself and admit my limit.

The truth is, there is nothing I can do to get out. There is no such thing as digging up; that would be like beating the air. Any and all progress in climbing up are marred by just one failed attempt. It's quite funny, and sad, how all my good efforts have brought me deeper into a certain kind of despair. I say certain because it's the kind that leads to hope - because hope shines the brightest and is felt the strongest in the midst of true hopelessness.

My own projections of who I am, what I will do, where I will be in history seem to slowly fade away as Jesus Christ is lifter higher and higher, far above my heart, far above my head, and far above the full length of my arms in surrender. I drop the strategies, drop the defenses; fly to the cross and drop to my knees. Yea it hurts, it's difficult and seems nearly impossible, but I must decrease and Jesus must increase. Less of me, more of Jesus. None of me, all of Jesus. There must be a reason why God calls His children to be holy as He is holy and calls us to "press on!" There must be a reason why sorrow may last for the night but joy comes in the morning. There must be a reason for this relationship in Jesus.

Life surely does happen, but it doesn't "just happen." Life has been given and I am called to be a good steward of what has been given to me. It's not mine to make, take, or break. It's not mine to procrastinate and waste away. It's not mine at all. It's all His because Christ has given me all of Him, and He is more than enough.

Summer

I finished my last final on Thursday. I can honestly say that this was one of my most favorite semesters of any school ever (not including grade school because nothing is better than recess). I loved the material that I was learning. In fact, I was blessed by the lectures, the professors who taught them, and even the times I spent studying the material. During lecture, I would sometimes get those chills because I would suddenly be reminded of the truth of God's mighty powerful, magnificent, awesome, sovereign grace and mercy and love. Ok fine, I can only remember one time. It was when my reformation professor told us the story about how right before John Hus was burned at the stake in 1415 (with Wycliffe's manuscript bible used as fuel), he prophesied, "in a hundred years, God will raise up a man whose call for reform cannot be suppressed." Lo and behold, exactly 102 years later in 1517, a man with a hammer nailed the 95 thesis on a church door in Wittenburg. His name was Neo, or better known as Martin Luther.

Mm mm mm.

Learning what I wanted to learn was definitely surreal, and of course exciting. Now, that doesn't mean I was a perfect student (or on time all the time), but compared to the old general biology student, this new kid had something called [divine] motivation. It goes something like this:

The Voice: "Why. Why are you playing Mario Kart right now? You do NOT need to get 3 stars for every race."

John: "C'mon, I just need to finish 4 more in mirror cup and I'm done."

The Voice: "Don't make me say it."

John: "No. No no no."

The Voice: "You're in GOD SCHOOL!

John: "Ahhhhhhh!!!"

The Voice: "You're getting PROVIDED for this! Change the world my BUTT! What happened to picking up your cross and following DAILY?!"

John: "Ah dang it. Fiiiiine!"

The Voice: "That's more like it. Go do your Daily Scripture Interpretations..."

John: "Oh ohhh. I'm almost at the finish line!"

The Voice: "NOW!!!!"

Hm. Indeed.

But as much as I loved school, summer. And yes, that right there was a complete sentence because any sentence with "summer" is complete in my grammar book. Summer. I was summer. I'm gonna go summer. Summer breeze is. If summer, then. Why yes, summer. Summer really is something else. It's so liberating, at least when you're in school because (as d.drum.c reminded me) summer for people without school is business as usual... wow. That's unthinkable, but I know it's coming soon for me so I better sit back, relax, and cherish these moments while they la...

Welcome to New Life Children's Bible Camp!

Where your kids will have new life at a bible camp!

Welcome to the High Seas Expedition!

Where your kids will experience the deep, rolling waters of God's love.

Welcome to Summer Missions!

Welcome to Summer Retreat!

Welcome to Summer Festival!

Welcome to Summer Jobs!

Welcome to a full summer of service!

Welcome to Dongmakgol!

Welcome HOME!

... oh. right.

And so it begins...... matey!