Epic

Fail.

What a true lesson of humility.

What a true time of testing.

This stuff is eating me alive at 4 in the morning.

Random spasms of screaming and yelling and crying all throughout the day. And there seems to be no end in sight as of now.

Not blasphemy. Think catastrophe.

I hope I never forget this so I can make sure to always obey and share what God has in store instead of what I think sounds cool. No other passion but Jesus Christ passion.

Totally brushed off Love. My total mistake.

What BITTER medicine.

What growing pains.

But help is on the way.

Salvation is here.

Oh! The Places You Will Take Me!

home is sweet, but Home is heaven. Fambam happy birthdayed (go away red squiggly line) me last night with homemade banana cake. woot! Today I spent all day helping dad with his VBS seminar at OMC. Exhaustive but very rewarding. There were so many volunteers and contributors and participants. It's awe-mazing! When you're doing God's work it's a guarantee that God will make a way. At the end of the laborous day I was feeling slightly fatigued. Then dad reminded me he was off to japan and korea tomorrow for more seminars/revival services for a week, and then to Seattle, Washington - then Vancouver, Canada - then Honolulu, Hawaii (of which he must sacrifice my gaduation for) - and then the world as usual. As we were eating all you can eat korean bbq (score!), I told him "Just do God's work diligently, mang." Okay, not exactly, but something like that.

On a sidenote the OMC head pastor was walking by and gave my dad a signed (or more like personally messaged) book that he wrote (Deep-Rooted in Christ), but it was in English so he gave it to me. I hope I read it. The sub-title is The Way of Transformation.

and OMG. oh, how tempted i was to graffiti the many OMC indoor signs to spell OMG. Just cross one line baby and sin has already entered. chika chika wha? Oh! Missions Go!

Noon, my wardrobe provider, came home with a b-day present. 2 'new-style' t-shirts from somewhere (I don't remember) that fit me perfectly, but said 'small' on the tag, which is strange because I'm a "medium" kinda guy. And so I says, "This says small." And she be like, "It would be if you had muscles."

...

well well well, if you meant spiritual muscles then... touché. But if you meant physical muscles then allow me to introduce you to my two dictionaries - they're well defined. =]

Change the world.

More confirmations this week. First with the lovely prayer book. Thank you so much la myun man. I'll put it to good use for Him! Then yesterday at dad's office he gave me a thick magazine/booklet that talked about the 4/14 window in light of the 10/40 window. I was wondering where in the world is 4/14, but the author was talking about age group. Wow. Come on now! Jamone lee! It's time for a new generation of radical Jesus lovers to rise up and carry the Gospel to the ends of the earth! Every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord! Floor us with Your LOVE!

What a birthday. I don't need presents. I need God's Presence.

Love Wins Once Again

Mom came down to SD to surprise me! <3

"I'll be there in one hour!"

I gasped. oh shhh my room! no not really. I was happy. =] She came in with lots of food and chips and made lunch (bulgogi!) for me and my apartment and then did a major facelift for our nasty kitchen. It was like I was the one visiting and mom was doing her thing and telling me to clean this, wipe that, get her trash bags and paper towels, and get out. heh.

"umma you don't have to"

"Didn't you say you have morning prayer everyday at your house? You should at least be keeping your house clean for those who come."

Woosh. Prayer is serious business. It hit me how callous I've become to prayer in general. And just like that I am reminded and convicted of godly things quicker than a whole quarter of studying and memorizing those same godly things. Actions speak louder than words. (Now couple that with the Word and you got yourself a killer combination) She's always teaching me humility. She's always correcting me and building me up. She's always praying. She's always pointing to Scripture. She's always loving Jesus. She's always thinking 'Kingdom purposes'.

Afterwards, I took her to the cliffs to see the sunsetting ocean. She liked it a lot. We waved hi to a paragliding man who was so close to us that I could have probably jumped and gave him a high five. Before saying bye and leaving for LA she gave me this small mp3 player looking thing that contains a Korean audio bible (and only a Korean audio bible). She was saying how I need to practice my Korean because I'm going to need it in the future. I knew exactly what she meant, but none of us actually says it. It's so obvious that it's become an unspoken passion, that is, if the Lord is willing. God's timing is beautiful. God is so good. All praise to God!

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

1 John 3:18

To the best umma in the world! I love you! <3

Funny Love

Mom, noon, and I used to tell funny stories and do funny things that made us laugh so hard all 3 of us would be on the floor holding our stomachs in pain with tears overflowing to uncontrollable smiles. This is how I got my 6 packs. There was one story in particular that mom used to tell us that got us rolling for 10 minutes at a time. I call it the eye story, or to be exact, the double-eyelid story.

The story (summary) goes something like this, but it's funnier when mom tells it:

There was a Korean woman who wanted to look pretty so she went to the plastic surgeon. She decided to get double eyelid surgery. However, the surgeon messed up on the operation, and she ended up not being able to blink or close her eyes. And now when she sleeps she looks like a fish!

AHAHAHAHAHA <- we laugh like that. Mom would actually lay down with her eyes wide open to show us how the woman would sleep and the three of us would start CRACKING UP. And when we thought all the funny was squeezed out, mom would do it again! Messed up. Noon and I would be gasping for air and on the verge of dying, but that would make all of us laugh even more. and the rest is history... written on my abs.

"So what do you like to do?"

"I love talking on the phone with my son."

<3

Go!

Retreat.

Agape retreat. Keeping it real. Almost too real that even the blind eye will open, see the reality, and then want to be blind again not because it sees ugly, but because it sees a long and difficult road ahead. I'm awake, but I'm not ready. I have little strength, but that's the requirement. So I begin.

Forget one time resolutions that last for a minute. Confirmation this, confirmation that. Unlike before, I'm on a timetable. I'm on the fast track and won't go back. I'm talking about power and anointing. It doesn't matter how silly I sound anymore. I'm not going to stunt the growth just so that I don't trample on your pride, and that includes my brothers and sisters. "Give me the enemy in my hands. Make them a footstool for your feet."

I can't wait around for you to come around and start living out your calling. It's too urgent. Even still, that doesn't mean I'll stop saying "hurry up!"

I'll straighten out these thoughts soon.

Music to My Ears

Winter break!

Home sweet home. Dad started playing the piano, which happens only once a year at most, and everyone joined in singing some praise. He showed off his ability to play any song by ear (having had no classical training), and had us name any song so he could play it. Obviously, we suggested the most difficult songs we could think of to which he responded with "no fair" but ended up playing it anyway. I guess it makes sense that noon is perfect pitch and I got the leftovers. After a couple songs, mom and noon got bored and left to do their own thing while I stayed behind to humor dad. He started playing an unfamiliar song and I asked him what it was. He told me he had composed and published a few children songs back in the days. I already knew this, but this time I was intrigued and wanted know more. In particular, I wanted to know how he wrote the songs. According to dad, he woke up in the middle of the night one day with the music and lyrics in his head so he ran to the piano, played it, and wrote everything down. Talk about instant inspiration... or not. The lyrics were based on a bible verse he was recently meditating on and going over. The tune was reminiscent of a childhood lullaby - a child calling a father. It was a snapshot of his life, at least in part, in musical form.

I found these old gospel song books at home. I found them shoved and forsaken in the back of my closet. They're about the size of a big index card and they contain songs in both Korean and English with notes and chords for each song. My goal is to revive lost melodies and lyrics and have them speak to my life; these are the stories and testimonies of people who have come before me with a passion to lift up the name of Jesus in their lives. It's a snapshot of the season of life they were traveling through. A snippet of a story. Some notes are legatos with tears. Others are staccatos of joy. There must be a reason behind their melody, their words, their longing to praise Jesus in mourning or dancing, in sorrow or joy. These souls are so stayed on their source of hope that their hearts cry out in musical form. I want to see past the dots and lines, and hear their true laments and worship to God. Maybe I can learn even a little more about God.

I used to think I needed to "feel it" and doing anything purposeful to get that spark was "fake." It's like sitting in a car and waiting for the engine to turn on because using a key seems too methodical, thought out, and even legalistic. Stupid I is. Now I know I'm not going to sit around waiting for the light bulb to go off because inspiration is a result of inspired activity. I'm not talking about music anymore. I'm talking about my walk with Jesus. And simply knowing the One Inspired Act is not enough. Frustration comes when I don't see myself growing in Christ just as when I don't get the 'awakening' in writing a song. It's about doing the homework, doing my part, cranking the engine, living a life that is worthy of a song. The question is when that snapshot is taken in my life will I have a song about Jesus? or a song about the world?

His Song keeps me moving.