Gravity is not a feeling, but the heaviness is always the same. The weight of doubt and the doubt of waiting for what lies ahead looms over my head like a dark cloud crowding in to clutter up the coming forecast of fading, curtailed clarity. I'm deep inside a well of opportunity as well as a steep, shadowy quicksand valley; it all depends on perspective, really. If I don't move, I know I'll keep on sinking. If I do make a move, I either come up on top or I sink deeper still. Sleep and chill or take the red pill. Follow the herd and your sheep get killed. This is what I call a quarter life crisis. You realize you don't fully know what your life is. You realize you've been living off quarters not benjamins. You realize there's been no changes and all you've been saying is, "Don't cry sis." There is definitely more than this.
If the end is clear then the means are clearer. If the means are not clear then I know my end is unclear. In other words, if I'm running a race and I clearly see the finish line before me, the way I get there will be clear. But if the finish line is hidden from view or too blurry in the distance, the path I take will be full of zigzags, uncertain choices, staying in place for too long, waiting on the wrong things and wrong people, and ultimately "pressing on" to no avail. In further words, if the hope of heaven and Christ in me, the hope of glory, is not heavily and completely impacting the way I live on earth, then I must admit and acknowledge that I have not fully grasped what it means to hope in Christ as a citizen of heaven. A "hope" of heaven that does not affect the everyday life on earth is merely a excuse to escape the realities of said life on earth. This kind of false hope gets me stuck. I get stuck doing things, even in, no, especially in a ministry setting, that portray the false "hope" - always running, but never leading; always turning, but never changing.
Hope without action is no hope at all. The kind of biblicalhope that I'm looking to is not a personal wish or a whim. It is an expectation and a trust in Him. It is an "already."
I'm starting to smell again. It reminds me of my adolescent days. I used to put on this deodorant scent named "Spring breeze." I forgot the brand name though. I learned of deodorants and such in the locker rooms during p.e. I didn't think I needed it because I never smelled, but I noticed that whenever I play Super Smash Bros. (any console) my armpits become a spring of living water (lower case "l"). Sometimes it misses the sleeves of my t-shirt and trickles along my field of eves down to my pants. raging waters!
This one time during a piano lesson at my piano teacher's house my teenage hormones went haywire, or string. I was under a lot of pressure because I had crammed a week's worth of piano homework into 10 minutes right before my lesson. She was testing me on Für Elise for the upcoming recital. So I was pretty much sight-reading the piece, which I am horrible at, and as I nervously fumbled through the first couple measures I heard something drip. Drip... Drip... Drip... When I finally got to a break in the piece and came off my stress high I looked down and saw small puddles in the grooves of the piano chair between me and my teacher (by this point, she saw it too). I thought, "hmm, that's strange." And immediately, my teacher (who knew exactly what was going on) got up and went to the kitchen and came back with a paper towel. "Oh, don't worry, my... previous student... probably spilled some water." She wiped it clean and I didn't think much of it so I continued. Then it happened again. drip... drip... drip. And that's how I created the Southwest commercials. "Wanna get awahell yea."
Drip! You are now free to sweat profusely.
Right now my armpits smell like persimmons that are ripe and in season - the kind you eat with a spoon because it's mushy. I can't stop smelling it. It smells... kinda good. I just might make a perfume that contains the essence of my sweat in every bottle...
I can't stop smelling...
...and I can't stop thinking of how we are called to be the aroma of Christ. (transition: 6/10)
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task? Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God. 2 Corinthians 2:14-17
Being a pleasing aroma to God means to perfectly submit and surrender to His will because we were created for His pleasure. Sniff sniff. When He smells us, does He smell rancid sin or the blood of Christ that washes our sins away? Would that all my brothers and sisters become fragrances whom God is pleased to spread everywhere. Yet like high quality perfume, this comes with a price. The price of Jesus becoming the sacrifice for our sins puts value to the price of His lovers to become living sacrifices, broken and undone, for God's purposes. This spiritual act of worship is what His people were created for and the perfect act that God has given us to follow is His Son Jesus Christ. As we know, His act of worship led Him to death, even death on the cross.
Worship bleeds out of the ones truly abandoned to God and truly stayed on His Word. "For in the midst of their physical and emotional pain, their loyalty to Christ grows pure and perfect. And in the face of persecutions, their love and worship toward God become all-consuming." The ones who will become this aroma are the ones who will lay it all down to become true worshipers of God. Flowers yield their strongest aroma when they are crushed, and God has more than a crush on His people. Undying love. It will undoubtedly be more difficult, but as Jesus says of Paul, "I will show him how much he must suffer for my name" we must pick up our cross daily and pursue our Lover just as He has pursued us. His joy is our strength. His pleasure is our pleasure because we are His pleasure forever.
thank you. thank you. I knew I should have majored in linguistics.
<3
I'll end with a poem I recently wrote (modified for general audience, rated G):
The Potter has fearfully and wonderfully created a beautiful jar of clay And has placed in you the aroma of Christ which you unashamedly spray Like a sweet, pleasant perfume exuding the fragrance of life For me and everyone in Jesus Christ
May you forever be a pleasure to God Fulfilling the Lord's purpose for your creation And become a servant of God who embraces every crushed petal Just as He has embraced your surrender and obedience as a pleasing aroma unto Him
On a semi-related note, this article is from Desiring God:
Missionary to India, William Carey, once exhorted a Baptist gathering in England by saying, “Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God.” I love that quote.
But we must heed the Bible’s warning through Simon the Magician: if we attempt great things so that others will see us as great, we are in grave spiritual peril.
...
We can all relate to Simon. We are all are tempted to pursue our own glory, even in the work of the kingdom. When we recognize that familiar craving we need to deal severely with it. We must confess it (often to others, not just God), repent, and resist. Because, if left alone, it can develop into a spiritual cancer that can blind us to real glory, and may ultimately kill us.
So, let us expect great things from God and attempt great things for God. But let us take Peter’s advice and do so “by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 4:11).
And that's how the cookie is devoured.
Don't want to lose my soul for what I believe is practical I'm a prodigal coming back from a world that is temporal So why gain it back and lose what's eternal Flesh out the spirit and spirit away the carnal By the Spirit-led revival through Jesus Immanuel
