Preach

Last semester I preached sermons in class. All I could concentrate on was the time ticking down in the back. Tick. Tock. Sounds the same. Feels different. Everybody sounds the same. Biblical. Outlined. Structured. Fifteen minutes. Metaphors. All check. But not quite the same.

And that same beat pumps again. There must be more.

What makes a great sermon? A powerful, impactful sermon? When God's Word is preached and people are not only convinced, but when they are cut to the heart and convicted. When the words aren't taken as useless chaff in the wind but rather seed for good soil. When it gets people out of their seats and the words translate into action.

What was last week's sermon about? And what did it cause us to say or do. Sometimes we jump to the next small group, the next resurgence article, the next Keller sermon, the next devotional, and all the way back to next Sunday's sermon again before we even have time to apply the Word in our lives. Is this the only reason why "quiet times" were made? To somehow keep us sputtering through desert until the next oasis? It's a motor cycle.

After sermons after sermons from preachers after preachers at conferences and churches, and after hearing speakers after speakers and retreats after retreats and revivals after revivals, anyone with a keen eye, great ears, smooth tongue can preach a powerful sermon. Any man or woman of great rhetoric can make people laugh and cry. Anyone can pump up a hungry crowd. Anyone can stitch together quotes and notes with various pieces of testimonies and personal anecdotes.

I am no expert, but even a kid, specifically a preacher's kid, can tell the difference. Home. Church. Life on the inside. Life on the outside. How thick is that line, that screen, that curtain, that wall? That whitewashed wall.

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”

Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.

In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

James 2:14-26

Don't believe the hype. See through the light. Don't fall for the big-eyed, arm-flailing, hand-clapping, Bible-thumping types. The volume of their voice has nothing to do with the passion in their daily choice to deny themselves truly and pick up the cross daily.

Going

I'm living life in transit, a sojourner with a stake in the ground. Next move is unknown, but the next move must be made somehow. Whether it's go or stay, it's never stay for a long time. Fleeting and temporary. Such is life. That is, life on earth. A good reminder that there is an eternity ahead of us. No, eternity has already begun. It only makes sense to invest in and sow into whatever makes an impact in eternity, the things that last forever.

This year is the year of the octopus. I got my feet stuck in too many things. Naturally, it looks quite ridiculous to serve in more than 3 different ministries plus full time school and TA. Yes, this is boasting in myself, more specifically, boasting in my lack of discernment and self control. They all began with an innocent open door of opportunity, but now I can't even concentrate fully on a single one. Ironically, in my attempt to overcome the fear of being "stuck" and making no true impact in my life, I stuck my feet in too many things and now the impact is too thin, too shallow, and too short to satisfy this hungry soul. Jack of all trades, but master of none. Or so it seems.

At the end of the day, there is only one thing that keeps me going: calling. People can play devil's advocate all they want or perhaps even genuinely doubt the call in my life, but that's like trying to convince me that the sun will not rise in the morning. If this sounds like I'm in denial, you are right, I am. I am in denial of mediocre mentality, lukewarm living, and compromised Christianity. My goal is not to be heard or seen or recognized; rather, my goal is to live. Really live. Truly live. To the full potential of what God has for me. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me. I will do anything and everything to find out what this looks like in my life even if it takes a lifetime. I only live because He lives. Though I may lose sight of it at times, His calling - knowing that He wants to use someone as inadequate, incompetent, and undeserving like me - is what always brings me back to cling on to a Life with Purpose.

Simply put, when I look to the cross of Jesus Christ my King, I want to live and die by it, not merely sit and be moved by it.

Folding up my tents and folding up my legs. It's the year of the fish.

Hope

Gravity is not a feeling, but the heaviness is always the same. The weight of doubt and the doubt of waiting for what lies ahead looms over my head like a dark cloud crowding in to clutter up the coming forecast of fading, curtailed clarity. I'm deep inside a well of opportunity as well as a steep, shadowy quicksand valley; it all depends on perspective, really. If I don't move, I know I'll keep on sinking. If I do make a move, I either come up on top or I sink deeper still. Sleep and chill or take the red pill. Follow the herd and your sheep get killed. This is what I call a quarter life crisis. You realize you don't fully know what your life is. You realize you've been living off quarters not benjamins. You realize there's been no changes and all you've been saying is, "Don't cry sis." There is definitely more than this.

If the end is clear then the means are clearer. If the means are not clear then I know my end is unclear. In other words, if I'm running a race and I clearly see the finish line before me, the way I get there will be clear. But if the finish line is hidden from view or too blurry in the distance, the path I take will be full of zigzags, uncertain choices, staying in place for too long, waiting on the wrong things and wrong people, and ultimately "pressing on" to no avail. In further words, if the hope of heaven and Christ in me, the hope of glory, is not heavily and completely impacting the way I live on earth, then I must admit and acknowledge that I have not fully grasped what it means to hope in Christ as a citizen of heaven. A "hope" of heaven that does not affect the everyday life on earth is merely a excuse to escape the realities of said life on earth. This kind of false hope gets me stuck. I get stuck doing things, even in, no, especially in a ministry setting, that portray the false "hope" - always running, but never leading; always turning, but never changing.

Hope without action is no hope at all. The kind of biblical hope that I'm looking to is not a personal wish or a whim. It is an expectation and a trust in Him. It is an "already."

Be my everything... once again.

Fly

Y + B

Lifeline

This is the kind of night where I can picture myself on a timeline called Life. Though it is quite strange that whenever I picture it I'm always in the middle, right at the midpoint of the line... hopefully, there is some kind of progression. I usually try to shake off these thoughts as soon as they appear hoping that the image would dissolve like an etch-a-sketch. I know deep down, I don't want to see my future projection because I long for something better, something greater than what I currently see. At the same time, it's also the fear that if I tarry too long on my hopes, they would prove to be false. So instead of replacing the good with the great and taking appropriate measures to fix, mend, and follow through, I secretly outline a bad projection so that way I wouldn't feel so bad if I don't end up receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. And then of course I shake all of it off because procrastination convinces me to deal with it later. "Life just happens," he would say.

But if I know where I want to be and I know what I have to do to get there, then why is it that I don't do it all the time, and even if I end up doing what is necessary and good it's not done willingly with joy every single time? What does that make me? Human, I guess, but I'm not satisfied. I'm not satisfied that what I hear from the pulpit and the Word is not what I do when I step outside the walls. Whenever I am reminded that I am a new creation I am also reminded that Christians still have a tendency to "leak out" sin as long as they are in the body and as long as they "have not been made perfect yet." However, too many times the ever-encouraging, never-discouraging emphasis on the process of sanctification feels like the ultimate plea to excuse sins as inevitable under a banner that reads "Press on!" or less biblically put, "Just do it!" I mean, wouldn't it be great if after hearing/reading, "do nothing out of selfish ambition... your attitude should be the same as that of Christ" bam! you actually do nothing out of selfish ambition from that point on? Is that too crazy, too radical?

Put another way, everyone wants an A in school. Everyone, unless... no, no exceptions. And like the rest of my peers, I wanted A's in college. I know for a fact that if I had spent at least 3-4 hours consistently every single day to study for my classes (not including homework time), I would have gotten straight A's. Arbitrary numbers aside, it's simply because I know, either through first or second hand experience, that studying leads to good grades. That makes sense and there wouldn't be anything "crazy" or out of the norm if I actually followed through and got my A's. But my actions, as my gpa unfortunately testifies, don't reflect my knowledge of what makes sense. In terms of desire and how much I want it, I may be willing with the strongest of wills, but the bite trumps the appetite.

Knowing is not enough. Knowledge is overrated. Knowledge isn't even half the battle; knowledge only lets you know you're in a battle. It's the action that follows that counts for the loss or the victory. Ironically, knowing that is still knowledge and gets you nowhere. So now what? Well usually, this is when the verses take aim and rapid fire. "You are more than a conqueror"; "who can be against you?"; "confess he is faithful and just to forgive"; "Flee from desires of youth"; "Resist the devil"; "do not conform to the world"; "keep the unity"; "fight the good fight of faith"; "walk in the light"; "run the race"; "Holy Spirit helps you in your weakness"; "faith without works is dead"; "saved by grace"; "nothing can separate you from God's love," etc. I can nod, say amen, get chills, be convicted, and be 'blessed' by all this, but none of it does any good if I don't move. In fact, I'm at a worse state than before if I know, but don't act. The more I know, the deeper the hole gets, and the more I realize how stuck I am. Eventually, there comes a time when I must come to grips with myself and admit my limit.

The truth is, there is nothing I can do to get out. There is no such thing as digging up; that would be like beating the air. Any and all progress in climbing up are marred by just one failed attempt. It's quite funny, and sad, how all my good efforts have brought me deeper into a certain kind of despair. I say certain because it's the kind that leads to hope - because hope shines the brightest and is felt the strongest in the midst of true hopelessness.

My own projections of who I am, what I will do, where I will be in history seem to slowly fade away as Jesus Christ is lifter higher and higher, far above my heart, far above my head, and far above the full length of my arms in surrender. I drop the strategies, drop the defenses; fly to the cross and drop to my knees. Yea it hurts, it's difficult and seems nearly impossible, but I must decrease and Jesus must increase. Less of me, more of Jesus. None of me, all of Jesus. There must be a reason why God calls His children to be holy as He is holy and calls us to "press on!" There must be a reason why sorrow may last for the night but joy comes in the morning. There must be a reason for this relationship in Jesus.

Life surely does happen, but it doesn't "just happen." Life has been given and I am called to be a good steward of what has been given to me. It's not mine to make, take, or break. It's not mine to procrastinate and waste away. It's not mine at all. It's all His because Christ has given me all of Him, and He is more than enough.

"How Bree Became a Wiser Horse"

what up, neighhhhhbor?

Here's a little venture into the ink well. I would name this daring company... Ace, if I had the intellectual property to mine own (although it may be grammatically incorrect, it does sound more boozgjwahzi than "my own") but sadly I do not. It will, without my bidding, be rightfully called The Horse and His Boy. Ahem. I shall continue with my superior tone and my eyes half shut with no regard to the winds or loose eyelashes.

There is a peculiar aesthetic to be had, noticed and observed in the telling of metaphors, in particular, metaphors within stories (oh how I was tempted to be redundant and write 'within metaphors' again and again about 3 times, but I am currently in the process of refining myself and these long winded parenthesis are a former shadow of me self arr). They must be strictly observed, but never highlighted because to highlight means to set in stone, or paper, its meaning and interpretation solely for the highlighter and no one else. It is to select just one wavelength in an infinite array of white light. There is nothing wrong in that just as there is nothing wrong in eating only the red skittles in a bag and ignoring the rest. I say "balderdash" (because it is a fun word to say).

Only the one who shines the light knows exactly where, and thus the reason for, the light to shine where it shines. When an observer sees where it shines it is important to see the whole of the shining, rather than the limited portion in which he (assume "/she". I'm not sexy racist) wants to see. This is unlike a buffet, where one can choose to eat whatever he likes for the pleasure of his appetite. If he does not pick up the Honk-Kong-style-fried-noodle soup, the "preparer of the food" (I will refrain from using the word 'chef' for I may offend the 'food is art' crowd save John Mayer and little children in high chairs) will not be offended or thought to be misunderstood as to why the "eater of the food" didn't try the whole palette of prepared food. This is more like a painting. And you can fill in the parallel blanks I am mentally (not) making in my head. And if you are a child of the King of Kings...

Alright, alright. I've had horrible ratings for my transitions (the latest being 6/10).

[Meanwhile], the metaphor hidden in a story is quite unique. The one who pens the story wields the power of revelation. It is not a mere show and tell, but a touch and feel; not a shallow dip in the water, but a total immersion; not a picture of a stranger, but a reflection of one's self. The former(s) is for prideful, assuming eyes that will simply narrow in on personal gain (what's in it for me? what can I learn from this parable?) and either be content, or frustrated with seeing very little. The latter(s) is for humble, lowly eyes that will not only open wide to discover the masterpiece at the light's end, but also gaze upon the beauty of the Artist. What becomes naturally highlighted, or we might say spotlighted, then, is our humble star gazer who now stands in the light in order to see the Light. Now this becomes a proper paradox for it is now personal, yet not for the person on his own account or his aiming of the spotlight on himself, but in light, and in the light, of a greater Person who originates and receives the splendor of it all.

(KABOOM! that's the sound of all my brain cells self-destructing simultaneously)

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning... The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1:1,14

The real peculiar thing is not all metaphors within stories are fiction.

[Finally], if you're wondering what's with all this bloody English talking, parenthetical nonsense?

Three words (interrupted by a single question word):

Chronic-WHAT-cles of Narnia!

Dove

I am updating in a very unconventional way. I am quite excited for what is ahead of me - hopeful for what is yet unseen.

We shall see or we shall sow the seed. Regardless, God is so good. Our God is an awesome God. Our God is LOVE. love. love.

Boom!

You don't walk in someone else's shoes. You walk in God's presence and anointing. Walk with Jesus.

You can't live off someone else's passion. You live only because of Jesus' passion. Suffer for Jesus.

If you truly realize the Joy that is set before you, all of that won't matter. It will all be worth it because He says, "You are worth it!"

So keep on.

God starts the fire. It's up to you to keep it burning bright.

ABC to XYZ

If you are living for yourself, you've lost your mind.

Live for God. Live for others.

Love God. Love people.

-

Harbor Retreat was very cool beans!

Here are some thoughts:

Many people say it's not about what you believe. It's about what you do and how you live that matters. What they forget is that YOU DO WHAT YOU BELIEVE. FAITH proceeds ACTIONS. What you believe makes you who you are. "Christian attributes" don't save you. Your faith in Jesus Christ is salvation. FAITH and LOVE. How?

Organized religion? Far from it. It's called faith in action. How do you expect to obey an invisible God if you can barely get along with people right next to you? The church is and should be the greatest tangible example to the world.

So then why do you take the easy way out? At the first sign of trouble, you run away. The amount of difficulties has now become proportional to the amount of empty seats.

But we don't want to look bad so we justify ourselves and say, "What does it matter? That's just how it is. I don't know. Whatever goes. It's bad, but not that bad. What can you do about it?" We forcibly make short ends meet and we don't realize that the wires have disconnected from the socket.

But Grace extends where we fall short. It's time to realize that God will never 'disconnect' you. It's time to realize that the power is already there. It's the same power that raised Jesus from the dead. That power lives in us by the Holy Spirit. He says YOU CAN. He says YOU ARE. Free to love. Free to live abundantly. This is life folks. Unity in diversity - spelled out in church community. FAITH and LOVE.

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit."

First step. Gospel. Last step. Gospel.