Middle

I am almost at the midpoint. This semester is going by quicker than the last one even though I'm on campus a lot more. From the beginning I knew that living far away was going to be a blessing for me since it forces me to study throughout the day, all day. I'm definitely counting my blessings. No, my blessings are way too numerous to count. Every single thing I do points to His provision. The 40 cent color copy I made today was God's provision. The 50 dollar gas on the way home from school was God's provision. Having a good working arm to wash my windshield was God's provision. Coming home to a hot meal from mom was God's provision. And that was only a fraction of today's events. It's a miracle that I'm going to school learning what I want to learn. It's a miracle that I am able to keep up with the workload. It's a miracle that I am filled with His joy despite my circumstances. It's a miracle that the valleys cause me to lift my eyes up to the mountains. It's a miracle even to desire to seek Him, let alone pursue and obey Him! It's a miracle that I was known before time began. It's a miracle that I live and breathe and move. It's a miracle that my Jesus knows me and loves me and has made a way for me to know Him. I'm a walking ball of miracles!... or... a miracle ball? Hm. That sounds more like a bathroom cleaning product from an infomercial or one of those "wellbeing" products from Home Shopping...

It's times like these where I can more readily lay down my own agendas and let God have His way in me like it was meant to be. Looking back at my sorry track record, that's rare. I've proclaimed, announced, and projected my lofty goals to many people and at times to groups of people and whole congregations, and every single time I think - not in doubt, but in expectation - "Really?"

Well, really, if the Lord is willing. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. Easy said, easier done.

Interestingly enough, people still genuinely ask me what I'm going to do when I grow up (more specifically, after I graduate). As a kid I used to automatically say Nascar driver. I always thought that was hilarious... I still don't know why. Nowadays, I kinda freeze up when I'm asked that question. I mean it's easy to say "missions" or "ministry" and I could easily put up a front by going into the details of what I would like to do, which usually makes it look like I got everything down and I know exactly what I'm going to do. But I don't. Actually it's more like wondering if I really mean what I say. That same "Really?" begins to see doubt.

"I don't know why John is staying with us when he could go somewhere else."

I thought I was over that hill. I thought all the gray clouds had rolled on by and my days of confusion were long gone. I thought the grueling decisions were already made. But here I am again standing at the crossroads.

In light of all the blessings and miracles I've recounted above, I would be contradicting myself if I thought God was not in control and that somehow He has left me alone to stumble through my own decisions. At the same time, the silence I hear is piercing, the darkness I see is clear, and the emptiness I feel is concrete. It may be only for a moment, but the quantity in no way diminishes the reality. The good news is that this is the equation and the framework in which God moves: in the places where my back is against the wall, in my weakness and confusion, and in my longing to seek Him for deliverance and guidance. In humility.

If I really heard from God clearly and effortlessly and I knew which paths to take without a second guess, I wonder how far I would go or how long I'll take before I become like the 1 leper (out of 10) who returned to thank Jesus. Again, my track record testifies against me. Perhaps for others it's not even a problem to hear and to obey, but as for me, I would most likely be working hard for the "godly" services and tasks laid before me with only a nod to the taskmaster who has "provided" for my career and given me a "purpose" in what I am called to do. I would be the King Saul who does royal business with no respect to the One who gave him the royalty in the first place.

It's amazing, overwhelming even, to know that God loves us for who we are in Jesus Christ, not for what we can do for Jesus Christ. In the same way, God desires His children to love Him for who He is, not for what He can do for us because in Christ, He has already done all we ever need. We may or may not have what we want, but until God takes us to a place where we are seeking His face and not His hands, we will find ourselves in the dark, so to speak, because in the end God Himself is the only light we ever need. His people can only truly be at peace and have joy in all circumstances when they love God for God's sake, not for love's sake. And as an added bonus, if I may, it makes us grateful and humble servants in the presence of the great and humble King.

All I can do now is wait in the Word.

Baker

I met this guy in class. He was very encouraging. On our way to the library he asked, "How's your personal time with God been like since starting seminary." I told him how excited I was and how what I'm learning is helping understand more of Scripture and its history and inspiration. In other words, I didn't quite answer his question. Then he stopped in his track and said he wanted to tell me two things.

First, he said, "Don't be a starving baker." I nodded slowly in confusion. He went on to explain that bakers, who bake all day, can sometimes have the sensation of feeling full even when they haven't eaten anything because they're constantly around food. Likewise, many seminary students have a high tendency to feel like they've gotten more than enough of Daily Bread because they are constantly having to study the Word and read about the Word. They hear it in class, they read it for homework, and they fill their heads with biblical knowledge, but in actuality, they're starving inside. The relationship with God is on hold and the Bible becomes an academic text book. He was speaking from many years of personal experience (transferred from another seminary). The words that stood out to me from his testimony were "dry" and "empty."

That was pretty dead on, right near the center of my heart. It didn't only apply to me in and for seminary, but in my daily walk, if I may, with God. Going to church, listening to sermons, praising 'up there', serving in various ministries, being in a small group, being a pastor's kid - all "Christian-y" areas had been infected (one way or another, minutely and unnoticeably) by the yeast of superficial merit derived from a whitewashed spiritual attendance chart. The relationship is there, but just covered in foolish self-righteous muck.

I liken this to a biology student studying his text book by using it as a pillow and calling it "learning by osmosis." Then he goes to class the next day for his final and shows the professor the red lined book mark (no pun intended but I tried) on his face and boasts with all the seriousness of an offended Harry Potter fan, "As you can see, by the marks on my forehead, I know my material. Therefore I don't need to take a test to prove my mastery of this subject." Unfortunately, physical proximity is not everything.

I'm learning. I'm learning a lot. The more I learn, the less I know. The less I know, the more I want to learn. It's a funny cycle.

By the way, I forgot the second thing he said as I was passionately recalling the first thing he said. Hopefully I'll remember later. I love the people. I love my classes. School is cool again. Praise God!

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

Romans 8:1-2

Eat it. Just eat it.

P-ride to P-2

It's like when the game asks me what level (speed) I want to start on. It's also like when I'm building up the tetris blocks all high and mighty and waiting for that one stick to clear it all. When it never comes, I'm left with a crumbling high rise with no elevator as I desperately try to climb down the stairs with "T"s and "L's." A sentence with no period. A clock with no hands. A table with no feet. A heart with no blood. A love with no sacrifice. "Putting your eggs in one basket" as they say. "Putting my worth in myself" as I say.

An incredible man once asked a boy on a tricycle, "Well, what are you waiting for?" Then the boy answered unnervingly, "I don't know. Something amazing, I guess."

Me too, kid. Me too. I'm waiting for amazing grace to sink deep and catch me once again. In the meantime, I'll have my daily bread.

Back to level 0.

This is a good place to start again.

Philippians 2:1-11

Mission Monday III - 2

"Jesus Christ is more precious than life."

The world has its own standards for a qualified person. For example, at Samsung, one of the largest companies in Korea, applicants must meet certain qualifications that will place them well over their competition. They must be top in their class, be polite, be a quick thinker, and the list goes on. On the other hand, God's kingdom has just one qualification: humility in Jesus Christ. In fact, He lists this quality in 1 Corinthians 1:26-31.

"Not many of you were wise by human standards... But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise... so that no one may boast before him..."

Think back to when God calls out to Moses through a burning bush. What if God called Moses with something more impressive than a little bush such as... a giant red oak! In our worldly standard the red oak is a mighty symbol of strength and power. (Imagine a humongous burning red oak calling out, "MOSES! Get those rainbows off yo feet!") However, God chose the small bush to move Moses into changing the history of a nation. When Moses appeared before Pharaoh as a lowly shepherd there was a fire in him that didn't consume him but consumed the land of Egypt. There was a confidence in knowing that God is the One to receive all glory.

Now think back to when the Holy Spirit descends upon Jesus like a dove. What if God decided to show 'em up with something more impressive than a little dove such as... an eagle! In our worldly standard the eagle soars high above other animals and is a symbol of strength and power. (Imagine an eagle soaring down to Jesus, *eagle sound*). However, God chose a peaceful dove, which back in those days was the poor man's sacrifice (for those who couldn't afford the other animals). When Jesus appeared before His people as a carpenter and a Nazarene he was to be the Prince of Peace and bring redemption through his blood, forgiveness of sins, and true reconciliation between God and man. There was peace in knowing that God's will would be done.

The world will remind you of your looks, hair, height, materials, grades, money, success, your past, your unchanging present, your bleak future, lack of passion, how you cannot do it, how you have failed before, how you can live with no sacrifice, no cross. But God shows us through Jesus Christ the ultimate picture of humility. He uses the humble and contrite heart to reveal Himself so that no one may boast save in Christ alone.

Dying to the world and living in Christ. God didn't save us so that we can just be good church attenders. If that was true, then we would be living in our own wisdom. He saved us so we may serve Him and be a true witness of His love. Truly the small, humble fire he puts in our hearts has the power to change one forgiven sinner let alone a nation. If you follow Jesus, you'll lose the world. The one who can change the world is the one who has been abandoned by the world to be completely abandoned to God.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

1 Corinthians 1:18

Mission Monday III - 1

Be blessed and be a blessing!

The night was still young and the next speaker went up. His name was Ishmael Lim, a Korean missionary in his late 30s and the worship leader for the Intercp Korean ministry. His smile was natural and he looked younger than his age. His voice had the "prayer husk," the kind that you hear in those passionate pastors at old school Korean revival services. It always makes them sound more spiritual, and I'm working on mine....... Anyway, this is his sermon (divided in two parts), to the best of my notes and memory and with a little bit of my insight and my [needlessly redundant] comments.... better yet, this is more properly titled - what I learned from his sermon:

-

In every worship service, there are two kinds of people. First, there is the passionate worshiper. These are the ones who are deeply moved and make the "holy face" during worship sometimes shedding a tear or two These are the ones who actually raise their hands when singing "so we raise up holy hands." They are the ones who say, "Here am I, send me!"

Then there is the worshiper who is bored out of their minds. These are the ones who would rather not clap with the rest of the mindless clappers and would not mind sitting down at all during worship. These are the ones who nod like a gansta with a slightly pursed smirk and point both thumbs to themselves when singing, "prone to wander... prone to leave the God I love." They are the ones who say, "Well I guess I'll go. Nothing better to do anyway."

Out of these two, who do you think would make the better missionary? You guessed it. The bored worshiper by far would outlast the passionate worshiper. This is because in the mission field, especially in hostile regions, the passionate worshiper will stick out like a sore 8-1/2 x 11 inch study bible wherever they go. They will make the mistake of lifting up their hands in the public squares and shouting out praise from the rooftops. They will make every effort to seek and save the lost, and their testimony will be, "Look at my passion for Him." Even before the mission begins the devil will be all over them because they would be too holy of a spiritual force to deal with later. Go fight win!

On the other hand, the bored worshiper will blend right in with the pagans and find their true comfort zone in infiltrating the deepest darkest places of the temples, where they used to be during worship services. Connecting with the ones who do not know God will come naturally for them and they will say, "Look to Jesus Christ?" The devil will ignore them because these guys seem to have no passion for Jesus and will not be a threat to their Operation: Kingdom Down. In the end, as the passionate worshipers get deported back to their countries, the bored worshipers will be the ones to back stab the devil. He'll be like, "WTH?"

So next time you see a bored worshiper in service (or maybe it's you) don't lose hope, but rather thank the Lord and praise Him for preparing a secret weapon (you can pray for them too). And next time you find yourself with a log in your eye, know and remember that God does not look at the outside appearance; he looks at the heart.

Man looks at the outward appearance,

but the LORD looks at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7b

to be continued...

"How Bree Became a Wiser Horse"

what up, neighhhhhbor?

Here's a little venture into the ink well. I would name this daring company... Ace, if I had the intellectual property to mine own (although it may be grammatically incorrect, it does sound more boozgjwahzi than "my own") but sadly I do not. It will, without my bidding, be rightfully called The Horse and His Boy. Ahem. I shall continue with my superior tone and my eyes half shut with no regard to the winds or loose eyelashes.

There is a peculiar aesthetic to be had, noticed and observed in the telling of metaphors, in particular, metaphors within stories (oh how I was tempted to be redundant and write 'within metaphors' again and again about 3 times, but I am currently in the process of refining myself and these long winded parenthesis are a former shadow of me self arr). They must be strictly observed, but never highlighted because to highlight means to set in stone, or paper, its meaning and interpretation solely for the highlighter and no one else. It is to select just one wavelength in an infinite array of white light. There is nothing wrong in that just as there is nothing wrong in eating only the red skittles in a bag and ignoring the rest. I say "balderdash" (because it is a fun word to say).

Only the one who shines the light knows exactly where, and thus the reason for, the light to shine where it shines. When an observer sees where it shines it is important to see the whole of the shining, rather than the limited portion in which he (assume "/she". I'm not sexy racist) wants to see. This is unlike a buffet, where one can choose to eat whatever he likes for the pleasure of his appetite. If he does not pick up the Honk-Kong-style-fried-noodle soup, the "preparer of the food" (I will refrain from using the word 'chef' for I may offend the 'food is art' crowd save John Mayer and little children in high chairs) will not be offended or thought to be misunderstood as to why the "eater of the food" didn't try the whole palette of prepared food. This is more like a painting. And you can fill in the parallel blanks I am mentally (not) making in my head. And if you are a child of the King of Kings...

Alright, alright. I've had horrible ratings for my transitions (the latest being 6/10).

[Meanwhile], the metaphor hidden in a story is quite unique. The one who pens the story wields the power of revelation. It is not a mere show and tell, but a touch and feel; not a shallow dip in the water, but a total immersion; not a picture of a stranger, but a reflection of one's self. The former(s) is for prideful, assuming eyes that will simply narrow in on personal gain (what's in it for me? what can I learn from this parable?) and either be content, or frustrated with seeing very little. The latter(s) is for humble, lowly eyes that will not only open wide to discover the masterpiece at the light's end, but also gaze upon the beauty of the Artist. What becomes naturally highlighted, or we might say spotlighted, then, is our humble star gazer who now stands in the light in order to see the Light. Now this becomes a proper paradox for it is now personal, yet not for the person on his own account or his aiming of the spotlight on himself, but in light, and in the light, of a greater Person who originates and receives the splendor of it all.

(KABOOM! that's the sound of all my brain cells self-destructing simultaneously)

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning... The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1:1,14

The real peculiar thing is not all metaphors within stories are fiction.

[Finally], if you're wondering what's with all this bloody English talking, parenthetical nonsense?

Three words (interrupted by a single question word):

Chronic-WHAT-cles of Narnia!