It Blowed Up

I got food poisoning again. What the pho. Something tells me I won't be eating pho for a long time. Vomiting was extremely painful especially the 5th time in a row. It got to a point where I knew I had to relieve myself but didn't want to because I was so exhausted. "Please, no more." So I just sat in front of the toilet in the middle of the night praying that God will take this cup (of pho) away from me.

And then just barfed it all out. Man, talk about instant 6 packs... again (6+6?), inside and out.

All this got me thinking...

Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.

Proverbs 26:11

Dayumm~ not yummy at all. That's like ouch in my heartache (pronounced heart-'H').

... thinking about the pain involved for correction (in this case, for my body to correct itself) - instant satisfaction is never ever worth anything.

'We are all diagnosed with a terminal illness called sin and it has a 100% success rate that leads to death.' Whatchu gonna do about it? (Actually Pastor Paul's quote was something like "We are all diagnosed with a terminal illness called life and has a 100% success rate and our only cure is death.") But for the sake of saking the sake of... we'll let it be.

Here are the first words of Jesus in the gospel of Mark:

"The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel."

Mark 1:15

The system kicks out the sin as you vomit it out. Now imagine eating that crap all over again... every... single... time. (fyi: majority of food poisoning is due to intake of fecal matter - yuck.) Consequences peoples. Consequences.

But

There is peace like a river.

There is joy like a fountain.

There is love like an ocean.

There is blood that was shed for our sins.

Let's keep swimming.

ABC to XYZ

If you are living for yourself, you've lost your mind.

Live for God. Live for others.

Love God. Love people.

-

Harbor Retreat was very cool beans!

Here are some thoughts:

Many people say it's not about what you believe. It's about what you do and how you live that matters. What they forget is that YOU DO WHAT YOU BELIEVE. FAITH proceeds ACTIONS. What you believe makes you who you are. "Christian attributes" don't save you. Your faith in Jesus Christ is salvation. FAITH and LOVE. How?

Organized religion? Far from it. It's called faith in action. How do you expect to obey an invisible God if you can barely get along with people right next to you? The church is and should be the greatest tangible example to the world.

So then why do you take the easy way out? At the first sign of trouble, you run away. The amount of difficulties has now become proportional to the amount of empty seats.

But we don't want to look bad so we justify ourselves and say, "What does it matter? That's just how it is. I don't know. Whatever goes. It's bad, but not that bad. What can you do about it?" We forcibly make short ends meet and we don't realize that the wires have disconnected from the socket.

But Grace extends where we fall short. It's time to realize that God will never 'disconnect' you. It's time to realize that the power is already there. It's the same power that raised Jesus from the dead. That power lives in us by the Holy Spirit. He says YOU CAN. He says YOU ARE. Free to love. Free to live abundantly. This is life folks. Unity in diversity - spelled out in church community. FAITH and LOVE.

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit."

First step. Gospel. Last step. Gospel.

Odyssey with God

There are times when I search fervently and chase after the supernatural. These are times when I am disappointed. I look for things in the physical and neglect the things in the spiritual. These are also times of hope and encouragement when God reminds me of who I am in His love. He gives me the strength to keep moving forward.

This morning I received my allowance in an unusually small envelope.

He says to me, "You're not even trying to find a job are you?"

To that I reply, "God provides!"

And we both smile.

Dad goes back to the his room to consult with mom in choosing his tie. I check the contents of the recycled envelope and I begin to calculate the tithe. It takes a while for me realize that I just need to cross out the zeros. Math and I had a falling out of some sort, but I digress. I turn the envelope over and I see messy scribbles in Korean. It reads "Child Evangelism Fellowship" and on the bottom in light pencil - "Pastor's car."

-

It's easy to for me to forget that the life I have is supernatural. The breath I breathe is a miracle. In my good times and bad times, my attitude should never be one of apathy or discontentment. There should never be a time when I simply shrug my shoulders and say "whatever" because that would be to reject and neglect who I am in Jesus Christ and what I have received from Him. When I say God is my provider I say it sitting with the family around the dining table with empty bowls watching a father's tear fall on empty plates in place of where the food should be. When I say money comes last and doesn't even place in God's kingdom I say it with a roof over my head and a bed to lay my head. When I say live only for God I say it holding the hand of a man in a ragged suit with one ragged bible in his other hand and a family by his side who is filled with love, joy, and peace. When I say only Jesus I say it with visions of grandeur so steadfast that I know I'll set a Gospel fire with this torch from heaven and change the world.

And I remind myself,

Why wouldn't a supernatural God work in a supernatural way? I want to be intimate with a God who is LOVE. Sins are meant to be dealt with, so deal with them quick. Jesus breath. Jesus blood. Jesus resurrection. Jesus revival. Social construct and unity is meaningless without Spirit and truth and without God's purpose at heart. Be careful what I see and touch. Don't let the wrong kind of fire suffocate my dreams. I want to pray for the sick and see them healed. I want to reap the harvest and live for God's glory. I want my words to speak of Love and point all hearts to Jesus. I want to see His peace and restoration in broken lives. I want my experiences grounded in God's Word. I want my spiritual eyes to open wide. I want the power of God to flow though me. I want God's love to overflow. Stop the talking. Show me what you got with your actions. See me fall off the ledge and see if I'm still alive. Offensive. Defensive. Mindful of others, yet only mindful of God. LOVE. It's time to press on.

-

I hear dad coming out of the room. The tie has been chosen. I don't like it, but that's because I have no fashion sense at all. I turn over the envelope one last time and I give all my thanks and praise to my Heavenly Dad. I say bye to my earthly dad. Kisses and hugs to mom and me.

Then he leaves for work in his brand new Odyssey.

Drive the Clouds

Hush now

It's not your turn now

Wait for the moonlight

It's your only spotlight

You are in no place

to stand like Barnabas

when you talk like Judas

with empty words and promises

Let's get to it.

I am truly encouraged by the steps you take, the Words you put up, and the hope that you have. As you lift up the name of Jesus in your life, I am heavily affected to lift His name up in my life. I find it so strange how that works. You may not realize it at those particular moments, but when the dust settles and the sun shines through, Jesus is the centerpiece to whom we are connected as one. One.

If we are one in Jesus Christ, then we are one in Jesus Christ. It sounds like a pretty simple thing that should embrace and not push away. But when a brother says "john, you get it, but I don't," I just want to punch him... like kool-aid. Speaking of which, perhaps the red fluid will be a reminder of who we are IN CHRIST and not IN THE WORLD. Foolish mortal. MORTAAAAL KOMBAAAAT! Your death will be spiky needles! and coughing up red blood cells!

All this people pointing (and punching) is to hide the fact that my heart has gotten colder to those who choose to live in a dark cloud of dejection, comparing themselves to lighter, brighter clouds who, in their eyes, seem to have it all or better together. That is, I've gotten colder to myself. As I see it reflected in those around me, I begin to feel hopeless thinking "Eh, whatever, let God deal with them and do His thing. I don't want to have anything to do with it... Payce!" It's the easy thing to do as PKai put it. Then the Word comes alive and pierces my heart... but then I dodge it - woosh - 2 Fast, 2 Righteous. hahaha. But, in the end it gets me! agh! touché!

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
1 John 3:16

The dark clouds who've been through the storm and the rain, down trodden with sins and sorrows - the ones who feel jealous of better lives and feel like they lack something need to remember that they will be the ones who can pour out the most. I see it as a greater potential to love even more - in God's love - as healing and medning of brokenness and forgiveness takes place. Once His children realize that we are all under one sun, or... One Son (ooohhh), then the shades of cloudiness begin to fade away and only His glory is left to shine through, pour down, and love all around. Glory in the highest.

I'm imagining this cloud who is smiling, moving softly across the sky to another cloud that is sad and crying, and then it gives it a big cloudy hug. *poof* and now both of them are smiling.

I'm not gay. I just like clouds okay?... and rainbow colored unicorn fairies...

Love perfectly. Love all the way. We love because He first loved us!

I need a BIG HEART. BA-DUM BA-DUM! <<<333!

Yakity Yak Yak

Yesterday I got food poisoning. I won't say from where because that's mean....

dang you! curse you carl's sr. and your foolish son carl's jr.

no no. it's my weak body that can't handle poison. I must train harder sensei!

And then I YAKed! like a cow. It was super nasty. But while I was undergoing reverse peristalsis I couldn't help but be amazed at how my body knew 'wats up.' Like, how does it know I ate something bad, like, so quickly. totally amazing. God is awesome. But it still hurt. Put another way, I'm bending over the toilet barfing out everything I ate while I am in wonder of the barfing process in pain. Something like...

BaaaaAAAaAaAWESOMEEEaaaaaaOWWWWWWaaarrRrraaaffFFfffCOOOLaarffFFF!

Whew. I'm still dizzy though.

-

So I was getting on the arriba bus. I said bye to my lab partner. 7 seconds later I hear something crash and I look up to see my partner dropping his backpack and running after his rebellious skateboard down mandeville hall ("hah! take that master!" said Skateboard). Then he scampered back to get his backpack as his board suddenly made a sharp right and was now zipping down to Gilman Dr. It was like watching a movie. I just stood there watching him suffer and even while I was getting on the bus, I just stared... only once I got on the bus I was thinking "omg, omg, should I run after him, should I hide, should I ignore him, should I die, omg" and regret hit me hard. The whole bus ride home I was in regret/depressed mode and realized how non-sacrificial I am. My instincts tell me a lot about myself. In my perfect world, I would have dropped everything and run after him and his skateboard and not worry/care about anyone else watching, and more than that, my well being. I wouldn't have it any other way. I know this is right. I have an example to follow. This is life. This is love.

In the end, I left him a voice message telling him to call me back from the hospital he was going to stay in. haha. i joke a lot. he laughed.

-

Happy Birthday Danny!

I wrote this poem for you, but not anymore. 22 is old. You're so old. Better find 'em quick.

Gotta go! Mom's here. Surprises don't happen only once! Praise God for that. =]

Remix #10: Remixed to be SACRIFICIAL in my love just as He is.

Love Wins Once Again

Mom came down to SD to surprise me! <3

"I'll be there in one hour!"

I gasped. oh shhh my room! no not really. I was happy. =] She came in with lots of food and chips and made lunch (bulgogi!) for me and my apartment and then did a major facelift for our nasty kitchen. It was like I was the one visiting and mom was doing her thing and telling me to clean this, wipe that, get her trash bags and paper towels, and get out. heh.

"umma you don't have to"

"Didn't you say you have morning prayer everyday at your house? You should at least be keeping your house clean for those who come."

Woosh. Prayer is serious business. It hit me how callous I've become to prayer in general. And just like that I am reminded and convicted of godly things quicker than a whole quarter of studying and memorizing those same godly things. Actions speak louder than words. (Now couple that with the Word and you got yourself a killer combination) She's always teaching me humility. She's always correcting me and building me up. She's always praying. She's always pointing to Scripture. She's always loving Jesus. She's always thinking 'Kingdom purposes'.

Afterwards, I took her to the cliffs to see the sunsetting ocean. She liked it a lot. We waved hi to a paragliding man who was so close to us that I could have probably jumped and gave him a high five. Before saying bye and leaving for LA she gave me this small mp3 player looking thing that contains a Korean audio bible (and only a Korean audio bible). She was saying how I need to practice my Korean because I'm going to need it in the future. I knew exactly what she meant, but none of us actually says it. It's so obvious that it's become an unspoken passion, that is, if the Lord is willing. God's timing is beautiful. God is so good. All praise to God!

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

1 John 3:18

To the best umma in the world! I love you! <3

Hope

Imagine Words with wings that uplift the soul

One drop, two tears, three nails to make me whole

Imagine words with wings that uplift the soul

Take me higher and higher to places unknown

So foreign yet so familiar like a forgotten home

There is a peace of mind in knowing I'm not alone

I'm part of His story in the making

Before the womb, before time He made me

I can rest easy and let the Wind move me

He's the director and I'm in His movie

So I close my eyes and walk by faith

See visions with the ear, be still and wait

And I hear the Words invade my heart

"I will finish what I start"

Imagine Words with wings that uplift the soul

One drop, two tears, three nails to make me whole